Life at work can be scary. For me, it was transitioning my sex from male to female. How were my company, colleagues, contacts, suppliers and clients going to take it? I was having enough trouble with the shock I caused in my domestic life: my ex-wife, my two teenage girls, my parents and my extended family.

I moved out of the family home and started a new life full of trepidation, sorrow and excitement in a nearby town. I made friends quickly, in a regular non-scene community, and I owe so much to them for their support, along with my fellow transgendered friends. 

I pushed on with hormone treatment and counselling. I was living outside work as Samantha, and at work as Ian. Some of you will have met Ian! I'd come home from work, get changed to be 'her', then go to the supermarket, socialise, stay at home, go running - everything before going to bed. Then I'd wake up for work, put on the suit and creep out as a guy. I was embarrassed the neighbours would see him.

So, what changed?

Firstly, there was an attitude shift in the media and society towards transgender. It became positive.

The next was an event at work. I had travelled back from the event as the real me and changed back to ‘him’ just before returning to the office to attend a fairness, inclusion and respect (FIR) development meeting with other senior managers. At the meeting, in my creased pin-stripe suit and a shirt with a wonky collar, I settled in as the commercial director to contribute and listen to what everyone had to say. 

The meeting was full of enthusiasm. Everyone wanted to do the right thing: "acceptance for all; we want to be leaders in diversity; it's not just an HR issue, it affects all of us; this will have full board support; we saw this corporate video the other day and we think it would be good to show people as it demonstrates what FIR is all about".   

Onscreen transition

The video came on. It went through all the protected characteristics illuminatingly, and then I saw mine. It was a man in a suit with a high IQ. He took off his tie and turned away from the camera while unravelling his hair only to show his face again with beautiful make-up, flowing long hair and a great figure (that is me!) and, funnily enough, she still had a high IQ. Ian nodded sagely while, inside, Samantha cried her eyes out. My mind had opened to the prospect of being me at work. A safe space had opened up for me.

The point of no return

I decided on facial feminisation surgery. This was the point of no return. My face would be changed forever. I had to do it, and now I had to tell everyone at work, too. I'd clocked up years working for this company, this would change everyone's view of me. Before surgery, I'd told some colleagues, whom were surprised but kind. Then I met my MD. We were just two guys having a beer - totally normal - until the question. "Sorry to hear you've split up. What's happening?" 

My answer, somewhat stuttered, "Well, the reason is, the reason is, erm, I'm living 100 per cent as a woman in this town." His reaction: "That's brilliant. You will get nothing but support from us. I'm so pleased you feel you can do this. We can plan this and have regular updates. I want to help you." That gave me more confidence. Later, an email was issued to hundreds of staff. I received an overwhelming response of well-wishing replies and support. The surgery was definitely happening.

Recovery was tough, but I worked from home and was helped by friends and colleagues. I got in the car to go to HQ for the first time. I paused in the car park for a moment. Scary. But I didn't need to be scared as fairness, inclusion and respect were all around. I was working 100 per cent as a female and happy.

Building a networks

Since my transition, I’ve created an LGBT+ network at work. We had our first event at The Perseverance pub in London, which was apt. It was well attended, and some people expressed their true selves for the first time at work. Stories were shared, best practices exchanged, peer support offered, and fun had. It doesn't have to be a huge event. It just takes a few passionate people, LGBT+ and allies alike, and an open invitation to join in and communicate with like-minded people. Following this, I organised simultaneous meetings in London, Birmingham and Manchester.

There is a pan-industry network in which I am a committee member. Its vision is to collaborate to make the FM sector the most attractive, inclusive, and supportive industry for the LGBT+ community in the UK and Ireland. This network aims to unite individual facilities management/maintenance/cleaning and security service company networks. Such networks are giving people a chance to create new relationships, share best practices with peers and encourage them to be themselves at work.

In addition, going through my experience helped me to develop the first-ever transgender guidelines alongside the HR team. This has been adopted across the companies in the construction and engineering sectors. I have experienced acceptance from customers, contacts, suppliers, and consultants. I get on better with them now than I ever did before!

If you can be yourself, you will perform better. Even more importantly, my children and parents now accept me, which is wonderful. I was also given an award for the impact I had caused in the industry raising awareness with regard to transgendered people.

My story is but one of many in our industry in the LGBT+ community.